Good Bye

Well, it seems like this blog has run it's natural course. The kids are settling in well and it seems the blog is no longer needed for adoption issues. So I'm going to sign off.

If anyone is considering adoption and would like to contact me...feel free!
I'd be happy to answer any questions.

Lisa Holliday
lisaholliday@gmail.com

4.5 Months and Counting

Lately, I feel our kids are adjusted. They can say anything they want to say (although not with good grammar), they are doing well in school, they are learning to swim, Bennett will start basketball next week, and fits have been replaced by complaining. (Although Chris reminds me that there was a day last week when I wanted to ring their necks) But for the most part I think we are all adjusted.

The behavior program that worked best for us was 1-2-3 Magic (using time-outs), this method does not require much language and therefore worked very well for our situation. But we found that we also needed something more severe for a major infraction. We decided that spankings were not for us, so the ultimate punishment is "GO TO BED." Generally that means go to bed for the rest of the day (or at least for a few hours if the infraction is less and it happens early in the day). They would probably rather have a spanking. Usually just the threat of bed works wonders. Now that we can converse a little, we are including more "Love and Logic."

For me, adjusted means I can start spending less time giving the kids specialized attention and get back to finishing my PhD. But I vow to stop my work day at 3:00 pm every day (even if this means starting my day at 5:30 am). Three o'clock is when I start picking kids up from school and preschool, shuffling kids to lessons, helping with homework, and cooking dinner.

Adjusted is a good feeling!

Bennett Passed !!

Woo Hoo !!!
Bennett got a report card yesterday and he passed everything!!!!
(I'm really trying to hold back on the exclamation marks)

In language arts he got 100% and in Math he got 87%.
WOW, we really worked hard and it paid off big.
(In small circles, I was known as the Homework Nazi)

Now he wants to learn how to read, so I think we will try to tackle that next.

I'm grinning ear to ear.


Celebrations will be held at Chuck E Cheese's.

Christmas

Bennett and Camille didn't know what to think of Christmas the first time they saw Santa Claus. I tried to explain, but it just sounded ridiculous. Bennett did get the idea that Santa gives you gifts. When we put him on Santa's lap and Santa asked him what he wanted, he said "balloons." We ate cookies and visited and then it was time to go.......but Bennett didn't want to leave because he didn't get his balloons yet!

Now that Christmas is said-and-done, the kids "get Christmas." They are already keeping a mental list of what they want for Christmas next year.

But of all the Christmas presents (and the presents were vast - thanks everyone!) for Mom and Dad, Grandmas and Grandpas, Aunts and Uncles, and friends, ... the most popular item was the balloons Santa left in the stocking (or "red sock" as Bennett calls it).

Weathering the Storm

After 7 days without electricity, we have electricity again!!! Wooohooo!!!!
We had heat and we had hot water so we camped at home with candles in the evenings and ate out every night.

The kids love to imitate us and I heard Camille on her little pink play cell phone saying:

"Hi Aunt Hannah.......lights broken."

Bennett also does a hilarious impersonation of me looking for my keys. he he he

hooray for lights!!

Birthday Bash

Camille and I share a birthday.....isn't that cool! That means for the rest of my life I get to divert all the birthday attention to Camille and slip quietly into the background. (I'm certain this means I'll stop aging also)

We had a wonderful little party for Camille (not too much, not too little). She got a new doll, a pretend cell phone, my favorite pony, a toy car, and lots of other pink toys and we had a pink cake. Any idea what Camille's favorite color is?

I think the kids understand birthdays now. Christmas, on the other hand, ..not so much.

Does it look like we all work for Camille?.....well it's not just on her birthday!

Graduation

Camille graduated from day-care to preschool. Which means a school uniform and everything! Graduation criteria was as follows:
Must be 3 years old AND potty alone. Of course at school the potty is 7 inches off the ground, so that makes it easier for little ones.
So on her 3rd birthday, Camille graduated to preschool. 8)

Whining

The kids are picking up English like crazy. It's too bad that learning to whine seems to be an easily learned skill. I've started to enforce my zero tolerance for whining policy. I guess I shouldn't complain - at least the kids aren't throwing fits. Wait a minute....am I whining about whining ?!?!?

School

Bennett doesn't like school. When we asked him why, he said "timeout, timeout, timeout." This baffled us for a while because we knew his teacher doesn't normally use timeouts. A few days later we inquired further and Bennett said he doesn't like school because "sit down, sit down, sit down." I guess to him school is a lot like time-out.
On a positive note, he won an award at school for most impoved - way to go Bennett!!

Tlick or Tleat

Bennett has trouble with "r"s .....so he tlick or tleats on Halloween.
Needless to say, the kids loved Halloween. We gathered more candy than we could eat. We gorged ourselves on candy for one evening and then ceremoniously we threw the rest away.

Bennett rides

Bennett is tenacious! On a camping trip he learned to ride a bike by endlessly falling off the bike and getting back on. By the time he learned his knees and ankles were bleeding, but he didn't give up.

He woke up the next day and said "Mommy, no more bicycle, bicycle ouch." And who could blame him? He had the battle wounds to prove it.

Camille, never to be out-done, also is happy to show her bicycle wounds. She was walking and tripped over the bicycle and scrapped her leg.

UP-DATE

Fits -

I don't want to curse myself, ...but I think the fits are over !!! Neither Bennett or Camille has thrown a fit in over a week. Woohoo (and the crowd goes wild) !!!

What helped ?? Great parenting advise - Thanks everyone !!

The book "1-2-3 Magic- Effective Discipline for Children 2-12" really is magic. We started using the method consistently, and it has been great. I think it also helps that Bennett is able to talk more and can express himself a little bit. We keep a chart and every day without a fit or a BIG-timeout, they get a smiley face. They really care if they get a smiley face or not. Just before bed-time we give out the smiley faces and if they don't get one, you can see the deep disappointment in their face and even tears. At first we gave a toy for every 3 days of smiley faces, but now it's getting to be too many treats and we'll have to adjust it. Maybe tie it to an allowance or something.

The book "The happiest Toddler on the Block" was also insightful for Camille.

Eating -

Bennett still eats everything. Especially spicy food. He puts large amounts of hot sauce on lots of stuff.

Camille has started to become a little picky. She would rather not eat vegetables or meat and would eat mostly starches. Now I make her eat the veggies and meat, before she can eat the potatoes or pasta. It seems to be working. We also start a timer sometimes because she can drag a meal out forever.

School -

We had our first parent-teacher meeting with Bennett's kindergarten teacher and she says Bennett is progressing well and could pass kindergarten. Woo hoo !! I've taken it on as a family goal that Bennett will proceed to the 1st grade next year. (not to mention it will really help me get things done if he goes to school for 6 hours instead of the 3 hours)

Hey but I know everybody wants to see pictures of the kids, so without further ado..... here are some pics we took with Gandpa and Grandma at the pumpkin patch with a petting zoo:

Good bye Ethiopia

I think Bennett misses Ethiopia today.
He asked "school?" and I said "yes." Then he said "America..school, school, school. Ethiopia.... no school." I tried to convince him that school is fun and he has friends there, but it was no use.
He said "Good bye mom," waved, and left for Ethiopia.
I followed him to make sure he didn't cross any streets. After we went around the block, he came home with tears in his eyes. We hugged for a while and looked up the word for "visit" in Amharic and told him that we can visit someday. When he calmed down he decided to ride his bicycle and I reminded him that he didn't have a bicycle in Ethiopia.

Questions

I got an e-mail from Renee who is adopting a 4-5 year old boy (Hurray for Renee and Todd!!) and she asked some great questions, so I thought I would post them on the blog:

What was it like meeting the children?
Just the other day someone asked Chris and I about meeting the children and we both had different answers. I thought it was a bit awkward. I didn't really know what to say or do. On the other hand, Chris didn't think it was awkward for him.
You wait in the front room of the Gladney transition house and then they bring in the kids. The kids (Bennett and Camille) were in shock. They hardly moved and responded with little tiny nods of the head. Camille was a limp noodle in my arms and Bennett was the standing equivalent. They had been told that their new parents were coming to take them to America but I don't think they had seen our pictures. The shock lasted about an hour and then they started to warm up. Bennett was on his best behavior until we were home for a week or so. Camille's behavior got better at home. I don't think Bennett understood that America was another country, because everywhere we went (the Gladney transition center, the museum, a restaurant, etc.) he would ask "Is this America?

How did you introduced them to their new names?
We asked them if they would like to have American names and they nodded yes. We soon realized we needed to call them by their Ethiopian names, at least at first, or else they didn't respond naturally and it added to the general language confusion. We decided to use the Ethiopian names while we were in Ethiopia and it helped reduce the confusion. When it was time to pack and go to America we told them that we would start using their American names. They thought it was pretty silly and joked and called each other by the opposite name, etc. When we got home and friends, family, school mates, etc. started calling them by their American names they became accustomed to them. We just taught Bennett his full name the other day and he walks around calling himself "Bennett Ketema Holliday" he calls his sister "Camille Sholaye Holliday" I'm "Mommy Lisa Holliday" and Dad is "Daddy Chris Holliday."

Also, did you introduce them to your extended family right way and did they seem comfortable?
Our plan was not to introduce them right away, but that plan fell by the wayside really quickly. Everyone was soo happy to see them, and they were soo excited to make new friends and meet new people there was really no stopping it. My kids love a party!

A few other things:
Language - Spending 10 days in Ethiopia with our driver as a translator was an ENORMOUS help. We learned all the important words associated with bathroom, eating, etc. Our driver was kind enough to translate every silly little thing our kids said (even the silly songs they sang in the car, the silly discussions they had about which cars on the road are "mine", etc.) and we learned their personalities. I ordered an Amharic-English dictionary but it was no help, so I returned it. If you don't know the Amharic alphabet (and there are over 250 letters) then it is useless. The Lonely Planet Amharic phrase book is great, but you wish it had a lot more words. We still use it now. Also this website helps:
http://www.amharicdictionary.com/
We use it to look up words like "later " and "now" so we can say "you can watch The Jungle Book later, but now we have to eat lunch"

YES - An Ethiopian yes looks very different than an American (shaking of the head) yes. Yes in Ethiopia is quick tilting of the head back while they eyes look up. It is not a full shaking of the head up and down like in America.

Bonding - our kids bonded to us very quickly. I spent a lot of time reading about bonding and it wasn't an issue. In fact, Camille will hardly let anyone else hold her, and she wants to be in my arms 24 hours a day.

Ethiopian Food

The whole gang

The Family

My kids love Ethiopian food !!!!

They are still a little awkward with a fork, but when we eat Ethiopian food the tides are turned. Bennett and Camille are graceful and mom and dad are awkward !

Our good friends Mimi and Bejib were nice enough to give us a welcome home dinner and invited some older Ethiopian children. The teenage Ethiopian children are very impressive.

Our kids love Ethiopian food so much that we have vowed to eat at Queen of Sheba Ethiopian Restaurant every week. If anyone in the Oklahoma City area would like to join us, please send me an e-mail. lisaholliday@gmail.com